Confession Time.

Alright, let's get this over with. Confession: I've gained back about 5 lbs this month (I gained a few back since my last post..blah!), I'm not exercising for as hard and as long as I should be in order to lose weight, and my eating habits are less than perfect. Grrr. All I can do is DO BETTER. I have about six months until my official "goal weight weigh-in" (see side bar), so although I have time to lose the weight, I dont want to wait until the last two months and starve myself thin---I want to start now and have a healthy steady weightloss until November.

Since I need to lose 36 more pounds, that averages out to 6 pounds a month I need to lose. It's crunch time people! No excuses. I've struggled alot this past month or so and I'm hoping I can get passed all the stress and just focus on what I need to do. Deep breath in....and release. Here goes.

Yay! 216 again!

Scale is back down to 216! Woop Woop! I'm super excited, can you tell?  :)

theres hope.

Scale said 218.4 this morning! Yay! It's slowly going down! Here's to hope!

Still Exhausted.

So the scale says 219.0, which is a little bit of relief, but still upsetting. I guess I should thank my lucky stars it's even going down---still havent been back to the gym, have only worked out once since my last post, and although I'm not binge eating, I'm still too exhausted to do anything. I'm not sure if my depression is kicking in or what, but somethin's gotta give! I'm just not my normal self, havent been for about two weeks....(which my boyfriend keeps pointing out...Eeeek). Stress is really building up lately, so naturally my body doesnt want to get up and GO...but I really wish I could mentally get back on track. I'm down in the dumps right now, but I'm sure 3-4 good workouts will help my mood tremendously....it's just a matter of getting up and acutally DOING IT. Wish me luck :/

A Rude Awakening @ 220 lbs

I woke up this morning, stood on the scale and it read "220.8".

Unacceptable.

Let this be a lesson to anyone traveling the weight loss road. I'm disappointed in myself because I know I have the will power, but I got so caught up in boo-hooing about the overload of stress that I stopped exercising and started binge-eating. Where does that get me? It gets me 5 pounds heavier and pissed off.

Step 1: Eating better...alot better. No extra sugar and no binge eating from now on.

It's hard, it really is. Being so mentally exhausted takes a toll on your body, and it's hard to focus on exercise and eating right. I've gotta focus now!! Wish me luck, I'll need it!

Quick Updates

My work schedule is ridiculous right now, (64 hours this week...I know, right?) which has directly effected my workout plan, actually its at a complete hault right now, and I cant wait to get back to the gym! Working so many hours and so many odd shifts, mixed with no exercise, has me exhausted physically and mentally. Being in the gym, music blarring, sweating my ass off----that's MY release. It's the only time I get to be completely alone and "in my own world". I take out all my stress and anxiety out on something that will benefit my body---so when I dont get to exercise, I'm a mess...nothing seems to balance itself out!
I have about 3 more days of work/training, so I will be back to the gym in no time! I'll happily update!

(Gotta get back to class....training for one of our new systems started yesterday and ends tomorrow, so that's where I'll be!)

Am I failing?

[sigh] Alright, here's the thing. I'm aware that weight loss is a process and you'll have ups and downs. I'm also aware that if I keep up with eating pizza and sweets for days at a time that I won't get anywhere with my weight loss....

I've followed the workout plan for two weeks, but with my current work schedule, I'm thinking I might have to create another plan. Ugh! I know once I'm back on track with eating healthier, I'll start to see the weight come off again, so I shouldnt be so hard on myself, but still. I miss the gym. I havent gone in two days, and my body knows something is going on. I've been tossing and turning all night (or day) when I'm sleeping, I'm just outta whack for some reason! Blek :/

I know I can do better, and I will. I have to.